Where we start
The running case ends where many real partnerships begin: at a round table. Lumen Logistics, the invented Singapore freight company, has agreed a price with Manager Wang of its Shanghai distributor, and his side is hosting dinner. Before the dinner comes the work: the meeting that got there, the formal email that records it and the WeChat that confirms it. Tonight you write all of it once more, in order, and grade it yourself against eight rows. Nothing here is a script for every dinner in China. It is a set of habits that are widely described, and a way to stay polite while you watch what your hosts actually do.
★ What you walk out with tonight. A picture of a round table you can read on arrival; a toast and a polite decline you can say without notes; the offer-refuse-insist exchange, and when to stop refusing; and the capstone: four meeting turns, a formal email in the email band, a WeChat in the WeChat band and a toast, scored 0, 1 or 2 on each of the eight rows of the negotiation ship gate.
At the table
5 min liveA business dinner in China is often at a round table, and the seats are not all equal. The seat facing the door is widely described as the seat of honour, 主位 (zhǔwèi, seat of honour); the side that invited is the host and usually pays; and during the meal people stand or lean in to 敬酒 (jìngjiǔ, propose a toast) to one another, often with 干杯 (gānbēi, cheers, bottoms up). All three are widely described practice rather than sourced rules: the sources behind these pages do not document them, accounts of seating disagree in the details, and every one varies by region, by company and by the people at the table.
LiveWhere to sit, and who pays2 min▶
The seat. The seat facing the door, 主位 (zhǔwèi, seat of honour), is widely described as the most important place at the table. Accounts disagree on who takes it: some describe the host sitting there with the chief guest beside them, others describe the chief guest being placed there. The junior people on the host side are usually described as sitting near the door, closest to the waiters. None of this comes from a source behind these pages, and the habit varies by region and by company. The move that works everywhere is the same: arrive, greet, and wait for the host to show you your seat.
The bill. The side that invites, the side that 请客 (qǐngkè, treats, hosts a meal), is the host and usually pays. As Lumen is the guest tonight, Lumen does not reach for the bill. A guest thanks the host and offers to return the dinner, for example with 下次我请 (xiàcì wǒ qǐng, next time is on me). This is common practice, not a sourced rule; in some companies and some regions it runs differently, and a host who insists on paying is following the ritual in Part 2.
Live敬酒 (jìngjiǔ, propose a toast), 干杯 (gānbēi, cheers, bottoms up), and a polite decline2 min▶
At many business dinners people take turns to 敬酒 (jìngjiǔ, propose a toast) to someone at the table, often starting with the host, and say 干杯 (gānbēi, cheers, bottoms up), which literally means "dry the cup". These are widely described habits, not sourced rules, and how much alcohol is involved varies a great deal by region, by company and by generation.
| Say | When |
|---|---|
| 敬您一杯 (jìng nín yì bēi, a toast to you) | Raising your glass to one person, usually someone senior. |
| 祝我们合作愉快 (zhù wǒmen hézuò yúkuài, here is to a happy partnership) | The content of a business toast: the partnership, not the deal terms. |
| 我不太能喝 (wǒ bú tài néng hē, I cannot drink much) | Declining alcohol politely, with no reason needed. |
| 以茶代酒 (yǐ chá dài jiǔ, tea in place of wine) | Toasting with tea or another drink instead. You still take part in the toast. |
The decline is a phrase, not an excuse. 我不太能喝 (wǒ bú tài néng hē, I cannot drink much) followed by 以茶代酒 (yǐ chá dài jiǔ, tea in place of wine) lets you join every toast without drinking. These phrases are common usage that any business speaker will recognise, not a finding from a published source.
A note on the pinyin: 不太 (bú tài, not very) and 一杯 (yì bēi, one cup) are written with the tone you say, because 不 (bù, not) becomes bú before a fourth tone and 一 (yī, one) becomes yì before a first tone. Standard pinyin (GB/T 16159-2012) writes the original tone and allows the changed tone to be written in teaching, which is what these pages do.
Self-studyWhy every one of these varies2 min▶
Descriptions of Chinese business dining are generalisations about a country of many regions, cuisines and company cultures. A state-owned enterprise in the north, a tech start-up in Shenzhen and a family distributor in Shanghai may host the same guest in three different ways, and a younger team may skip the toasts entirely. Writers on etiquette rarely agree on the fine details of seating, which is why the figure leaves the question of who takes seat 1 open.
So hold these habits the way session 5 held face: as tendencies to watch for, not predictions. Watch where the host points, notice whether people are toasting with alcohol or with tea, and follow. If you are unsure, asking the person beside you is not a mistake; taking the seat of honour uninvited is the guess most likely to cause an awkward moment.
The guest who paid. A constructed case: Lumen Logistics, 鲁门物流 (Lǔmén Wùliú, Lumen Logistics), Manager Wang, 陈静 (Chén Jìng, Lumen's coordinator) and every scenario on this page are invented for the running case. At the first dinner after the price was agreed, a Lumen manager slipped out before dessert and settled the bill, meaning it as thanks. Manager Wang's side had invited, and his team spent the rest of the evening apologising for a dinner they had meant to give. The next morning's WeChat started with an apology instead of the contract. The fix for the second dinner was simple: as the guest, Lumen said thank you, and offered 下次我请 (xiàcì wǒ qǐng, next time is on me) for the return visit in Singapore.
客气 (kèqi, standing on ceremony)
5 min live客气 (kèqi, standing on ceremony) is politeness shown by holding back: declining the first offer of food, the better seat or the bill, so that the host can insist. The host's side of it is 别客气 (bié kèqi, please do not stand on ceremony). The exchange is widely described rather than sourced, and how many rounds it runs varies by region, company and person, but the shape is easy to hear once you know it: an offer, a refusal, an insistence, and then an acceptance.
LiveThe exchange, line by line3 min▶
| Beat | You hear or say | What it does |
|---|---|---|
| Offer | 再来一点 (zài lái yìdiǎn, have a little more) | The host offers, often more than once. |
| Refuse | 不用了，不用了 (bú yòng le, bú yòng le, no need, really) | The guest holds back. The first refusal is often ritual, not a real no. |
| Insist | 别客气 (bié kèqi, please do not stand on ceremony) | The host shows the welcome is real. |
| Accept | 那我就不客气了 (nà wǒ jiù bú kèqi le, then I will not stand on ceremony) | The guest accepts and the ritual ends. |
| Thank | 您太客气了 (nín tài kèqi le, you are too kind) | Said to a host who has gone out of their way. |
This is widely described practice, not a sourced rule, and the phrases are common usage. The number of rounds is the part that varies most: some hosts offer once and mean it, some expect two refusals. Follow the host. If they offer a second time with the same words, accept.
Self-studyThe same three beats at the bill, and how it links to session 52 min▶
At the bill. Even when the host has clearly invited, a guest may make a show of reaching for the bill, say 我来 (wǒ lái, let me, I will get it), and let the host insist. That is the ritual, not a real attempt to pay; actually paying, as in the Real world case in Part 1, cuts the host's line off. When the host insists, thank them, and offer 下次我请 (xiàcì wǒ qǐng, next time is on me). All of this is common practice, and it varies.
The link to the meeting room. Session 5's softened refusals, such as 再考虑考虑 (zài kǎolǜ kǎolǜ, let us think about it more), and the ritual refusal at dinner sound alike and mean opposite things. At the table, the first no usually invites an insistence. In the meeting room, a softened no usually is a no, and insisting turns it into a public one. The difference is the setting, and the open follow-up questions from session 5 are still the safe move across the table.
The capstone, and the negotiation ship gate
5 min liveThe capstone is one constructed day in the running case, run end to end: the morning meeting where the price is settled, the formal email that records it, the WeChat that confirms it and the dinner that celebrates it. Each moment draws on one or two earlier sessions. You write all of it in the build-along, then grade it here on eight rows, each scored 0, 1 or 2. The gate is strict on purpose: a deal with a missing date, or an email in the wrong register, is the kind of small fault that costs trust in the next round.
LiveHow to grade yourself honestly2 min▶
Score each row 0 for not yet, 1 for partly and 2 for solid, against what you actually wrote in the build-along, not what you meant to write. Rows 6 and 7 have a number to check: the formality checker's index for your email and your WeChat, each against its own channel. The other rows are judged by reading, and the fairest reader is a partner reading aloud as Manager Wang would hear it.
The checker is a printed list of 43 markers. It cannot judge grammar, meaning or whether a number is true, so a 2 on row 6 needs both the band and a read-through.
Self-studyWhy row 5 is the strictest2 min▶
Graham and Lam, in "The Chinese Negotiation" (Harvard Business Review, October 2003), write that "a broken promise or display of anger or aggression causes mutual loss of face". A next step with a date is a promise. So row 5 asks for two things, not one: a date, and a date you have already cleared on your own side. A 2 on row 5 with a date you cannot keep is worse than a 1.
The whole negotiation, and both follow-ups
★ 22 min · everyone writesEight steps, in the order of the day. Four meeting turns reuse the exact phrases of sessions 4 and 5; then the formal email and the WeChat reuse session 2's frame; then the toast. The checker has no band for speech, so the spoken turns are checked against the WeChat band, the register for a partner's manager you have met, as in session 5. Every number in the steps is what the checker in this page computes on the Chinese printed here, typed without the pinyin and English; it cannot judge grammar or meaning.
Open by title, then give the numbers. Turn 1 reuses session 4's containers sentence exactly: two directions, so the comparison word goes in front of each. The quarterly numbers are constructed.
Read the indirect no, and answer with an open question. Manager Wang uses session 5's phrase. Read it as a probable no; the follow-up is the one from session 5's table.
Trade the concession. The condition comes first, inside 如果 ... 的话 (rúguǒ ... de huà, if ..., in that case); the cut comes last, and only in return.
Summarise, and close on a date. Session 5's top rung: the deal in one sentence, then the next step, an owner and a date you have cleared. Then try the trap in the checker: the casual close underneath drops out of the band.
Write the formal email that records the deal. Session 2's five blocks: salutation, greeting, purpose, attachment and help, closing. The purpose line here is the summary from turn 4.
Write the WeChat that confirms it. Send it after the email: it points at something that already exists. Title and 您 (nín, you, polite), one purpose, short lines, 谢谢 (xièxie, thank you) last.
Say the toast, or the polite decline. No checker for this one: it is spoken at the table, and row 8 is judged by saying it aloud. Choose the version you will actually use.
Check your own six messages, then grade the gate. Type the Chinese only. Check turns 1 to 4 and the WeChat with "WeChat to a partner's manager you have met", and the email with "Formal email to a partner company". Then go back to the ship gate in Part 3 and score all eight rows.
Clear the date before you say it. Turn 4, the email and the WeChat all repeat the same date. Check it with your own side before the meeting, not after: once it is in writing three times, changing it is the broken promise Graham and Lam warn about.
After the course
30 min- Run the capstone on a real deal. Take one negotiation from your own work and write its four turns, its email and its WeChat in Chinese. Check each against its channel and score the eight rows.
- Fix your lowest row. Go back to the session your lowest row names, redo that one moment only, and score the gate again.
- Learn one toast by heart. Say your step 7 toast aloud three times, with 我不太能喝 (wǒ bú tài néng hē, I cannot drink much) or without, until you can say it while holding a cup.
- Watch a real table. At the next business meal you attend, Chinese or not, note where the host sat, who paid and how many times an offer was refused before it was accepted. Compare it with Parts 1 and 2, and keep the differences: they are the local version.
Three questions
Clear all three and session 6 gets stamped in your passport.
1 · You arrive at a round table hosted by Manager Wang's side. What do you do about seats?
The seat facing the door is widely described as the seat of honour, and the details disagree from one account to the next. None of it is sourced, so the reliable move is the host's lead.
2 · You decline a second helping with 不用了 (bú yòng le, no need, really), and the host replies 别客气 (bié kèqi, please do not stand on ceremony). What is happening?
Offer, refuse, insist, accept is the widely described shape of the exchange. How many rounds it takes varies; a second offer in the same words is a good moment to accept.
3 · Lumen's follow-up email scores index 77 on the checker. Pasted unchanged into the WeChat channel, what does the checker report, and why?
Each message fits one channel. The same content as a WeChat, title, one purpose and short lines, scores index 60, inside the band, at fit 100.
What this session teaches, and where it came from
Every fact on this page, and its verification tier, is recorded in the course's source map.
Session 6 cheat sheet · pin this
That is the whole partnership, from the first register choice to the toast. If any session felt too fast, the Business Chinese Basic course ↗ rebuilds the tones, titles and numbers underneath it. For presenting and influence in any language, go on to Learn Communication with Phoebe ↗. Everything else is on the Learn with Phoebe hub ↗.